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equibe

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Shout [Oct. 18th, 2009|10:28 pm]
equibe
Sometimes I like to look through old corridors...
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Hello Everybody! [Sep. 29th, 2006|08:14 pm]
equibe
How's folks doing?

Anyway, I thought that I'd let you know, (although it is apparent), that I am no longer using this space for public writings. If anybody is interested to find out where I do write things from time to time, contact me and I'll show you. Thanks!

Love,
Ryan
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(no subject) [Sep. 7th, 2006|01:21 pm]
equibe
cute perspectives!
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it's all coming along nicely... [Aug. 25th, 2006|08:34 pm]
equibe
[music |frank sinatra - fly me to the moon]

here's a bit of news that made me smile:

http://www.voanews.com/english/2006-08-21-voa63.cfm

and other than that,

.ALOHA.

& I Love You All
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(no subject) [Jun. 15th, 2006|12:52 am]
equibe
There's this new girl who has moved in next door, and she has this laugh (she laughs often). she'll let out a scream, and as it tapers off it rises up and bubbles over into this hearty, soulful laughter. her body shakes and does this little happy dance, laughter dance. she was on the balcony, on the phone with some sort of significant othersome, laughing and dancing until late, until 5am, when the sun rose.

Gee, what do people think when they see this, see all of these drunken entries? What a shame! Soberly; these words and thoughts are mine, they go into my well-worn paper journals and little books. I can't be bothered to make some asinine update to the world; nor have I had anything terribly important to say. This is different, now, as I've been meaning to SAY outloud, and I do.

SO. We're all here now, in the final days of this spring. Soon the light ascending will pause, still; and the heavy fullness of summer will be upon us. Hot, heavy, deep, challenging.

What have I been doing?

Working, friending, doing. This year, coming up on a whole year, has been solid, full, earthy, grounded, more than any other. I've felt more of myself and I've filled out.

I have a camera full of images. These are my pictures, my memories of SPRING, and I would love to show them to you some time. Maybe, motivation enabling, I'll make some space out in the internet and stuff them there. What I've been DOING, SEEING, who I've been with, family, friends & loved ones, the clipper, the novelty of new experience and the nostalgic captures of the everday.

That is a little less than half. Then there is the inside, the interior of experience, which no camera can ever capture, no soul it has been shared with, and it would take a writer or poet with a supreme gifted talent and plenty of training to coax and verbally identify what has been formless, fluid, dreamlike.

This is the secret world of the Soul, a vast network of caves and chambers that only I am aware of, hidden gems and colorful jewels, caverns under the mountains, underwater streams leading from the Source, back to the Source. sometimes it is dark; sometimes the walls glow, or the bright intensity is blinding.

I have been building my life like a boat, like a sacred arrow. it is nearing completion. Maybe Mid-August, it will be ready for sailing. I may not choose to do anything by then; these next two months will be full of critical choices.

I have built the hull. I have made a rare friend of Saturn; of form and structure, responsibility and work. The practice of groundedness, being solid to withstand pressures and with resources to support. There, I can float on the Sea.

I'll drop the lines and raise the sails, and I'll wait for the Wind. I will sail the waters of Love. Navigating by whispers from the soul, tracking by the Stars.

[p.s; I am NOT DRUNK! I'm just flamboyant. ;)]
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(no subject) [Apr. 12th, 2006|12:41 am]
equibe
[mood |drunkdrunk]

What is it with drunken updates? The sober self does not bother with these; he has nothing to say to the public and anybody in particular. The drunken self may say; "HEY, RANDOM SELF EXPRESSION!! WHY NOT?" and will flow the words as they spill from the fingertrips from the brain, only stopping from noticable spellling and grammatical errors.

The life of mine has been expended in a thousand different directions, lately; soon I hope to consciously consolidate and focus this expenditure into a direct stream of purpose.

Tonight I went against my judgement of "I HAVE TO BE UP AT 5AM" into "BOWLING WITH COWORKERS, OK!!!" and went with them, as so felt so natural and alright at the time. Is is so bad, should I feel guilty subsisting on less than 4 hours of sleep? nah. As the legendary P.S.O of clipper say; "it is a job best done hung over." not that I entirely agree; I very much appreciate my sobriety. however, sporadical fits of spontaneous drunken revelry (upon my personal experience) have only done me good (as long as I feel that it's really in my truly best interest to do so).

I'll take a nap on m 5 hour layover tomorrow. should do me good.

Seems like there is so much to process and focus upon, centralize. That'll happen in a few days;, I feel. I am energized beyond some measure of conscious control, currently. The lesson is surrender and trust.

Assimilation..... the wedding in Bellingham at the Deming Log Show Grounds (oh; the memories!), Lisa's wonderful party; developments upon the work/social scene; strange monumentuous familiar changes; whatever. the usual. drastic amorphous reality. what'll be my filter next month? !!@!!

Uhh. Now I'm thinking; What am I even rambling about? I've just been typing and saying things on the fringer of my mind. I suppose they've all done their job. Time for me to go to sleep. Tomorrow is my friday. Shenanigans.

love,
r.
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as the liberator approaches, signs appear out of nowhere [Feb. 23rd, 2006|02:37 am]
equibe
[mood |drunkdrunk]

K and I got sucked into a wormhole this morning; very unexpected.

at most, we've been having a mutual tolerance of eachother the last few weeks. what was this strangeness all about? gently, however, we connected; about matters of spirituality and the utmost highest. funny, that; we hadn't had a conversation together in how many months? the world and matter seemed to dissolved (except for this cat which laid on my lap;), I was enraptured in the world of two strange incarnated souls having a dialogue.

we spoke about the Revolution and its many forms of manifestation (do you see this?). violent self-explosion versus a silent persuasion. 0f generational differences; Indigo children and Crystal children and what next? Pluto moves into Capricorn in 2008. Our places and the visions of what paths we shall take; dreams and critical, nexus decisions. the Past; wounding and heritage.

soon enough it was gone; the silence replaced by our often irrenconcilable worlds. some strange portion of the words was displaced by a strong depletion of psychic energy; soon it was near twilight. the strange sky echoed distant beauty amidst darkness.

where was I going? I had made the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich that money can buy, and a while after that a delicious salad with greens, avocado, cranberries, sunflower seeds, tofu and rosemary balsamic vinaigrette, comfortably letting it settle and digest, but where was I now?

I tried searching for new clothes, wandering before I reached what I had passed blindly before, and some strange fateful phone conversation with someone who is very special to me occurred in between. this is a big change for you. I know that you see the value in this change, and you are determined to make the most of it, positive or negative. It's all worth it, right? expect surprises (although you'll always be caught off guard!) and I'm always at your services if you need help moving the heavy things.

the phone has been ringing tonight, and i've been able to speak with most of my close friends (although a few I still wish to speak to...)

as seems to be the tradition on Wednesday night, I headed to My Sweet Lord for prasadam. like I always say, it's like Cheers but with the blessings of Krishna. Wesley and I spoke in our language; like we always do. Girihari served and Radhika shined. soon, without knowing of the current, the night forces swept me up.

Jonathan was there, soon arrived Barbara and Louie and Adam Gottkin (what faces do I remember from six years past??) the tender, tender alliance between myself and my work evironment stressed more as I want to play, to live and love and learn balanced between duty and structure. at this time, it feels particularly fragile and delicate. I look at my phone and the picures of my coworkers and wonder when the day arrives when I won't see them anymore ((although; no one really escapes the Clipper)). Coworkers like family; it's been one of a kind job indeed.

have you noticed that a few trees are beginning to bloom? delicate pink frosting blossoms?

we're there, after a surreal bus ride, at David and Esra's place with Margi and Misty; Barbara and Jonathan. Camera's flash and record these drunken moments. They are who I often call my Uranian friends. One spark and they're there. Another, maybe they're gone again. Jonathan and Barbara are part of a different element, yet to be named.

We headed to the Crescent, a place and bar to which I've never been before. the PBR poured; I thought something to myself about how it tasted like meat, but as the night went on the taste was lost and inebriation followed. Karaoke. Strange people; the enjoyment of what was and what was all beyond; I have memories of sitting back and watching, observing the wonders of people under the effects of alcohol. I sung George Michael - Faith with Misty and Barbara. heh. Emily was there; we agreed to stop being acquaintances and initiate ourselves unto the level of friends. This makes me joyful!

It's always interesting being hit on. What do these people see in me? Is it just my looks, as seen through their alcohol and hormone filters, or what?

One man said that I looked hotter than a Mexican Lunch. He tried to talk to me for quite a while, conceding that I'm very hard to read. I told him my name was Rahula; it was something that he had difficulty catching onto. another man, swathed in jealousy and lust, grinded and told me not to hold my own hips. he swung and he ground, asked if he could flirt. he loved Costa Rica, his origin. what was he after? his name was Spencer; he asked what was wrong after being confused by my reactions. I told him that I'm an enigma, only two have discovered the key to this puzzle.

they both waited for me, after the bar had closed, maybe for some sort of final decision or interaction. I saw Spencer's sense of lost effort and jealousy when he saw me walk away with Jonathan; a real true friend always welcome to crash on my couch.

Jonathan is an activist, true more than can be said for most. He does the work that many are unwilling to do. Of this, Nature appreciates him, and I award him the true ACTIVIST title. may the fruits of your efforts shine!

these are my visible words, for now;
I will continue to shine that which is unsaid and unspoken.
between the lines and beyond synthesis into spoken words;
do you know what I say, think, feel about you (this reader?)
do you wonder if I shine upon you or curse you secretly?

speculation really does no good in this circumstance.
neither does doubt or pessimism.

Only Love holds us together in the midst of all of this!

I'll let my drunken ramblings subside, and I will drink water and dismiss myself to the softness and dissolution fo sleep.

Love to you all;
-R
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(no subject) [Jan. 4th, 2006|11:45 am]
equibe
let's do this again.

i made it to work on new years day, spaced out and still slightly drunk. the holiest fortune of BAD WEATHER and 40-knot winds had us cancel this boat trip, sending all travellers up to victoria on busses. jessica and i made it onto the less-packed bus. bussing to victoria and back. it's a long day. i was so relieved, though; it's so much easier and gentler to take a mild bus ride up through the beautiful countryside than to be on my feet for 10 hours and serve so many people stupid crap baskets. especially after a night like the one before. wheels on the road. scenic countryside. i love it.

the BC Ferries are gigantic, serving all traffic from the mainland to Vancouver Island. multiple vehicle decks, packing semi-trucks and charter buses in like sardines. a cafeteria, a restaurant buffet, arcades, a store, massage chairs. yet in all of its massive tonnage, the GLORIOUS WIND had this monstrosity listing to the side quite a bit, and adding another 1/3rd of the time to it's crossing.

you know all about me, and extreme weather. you know how it excites me like nothing else; the power of elemental forces beyond any hope of human control. wind, waves, the play of the wind on the water. i was out on the bow with these extreme elements, looking like an idiot. screaming and laughing. did not care! there were times when it was so strong i had no grip on the ground! i could lean backwards against the wind, cushioned by it. whipped around. that was the purest instance of enjoyment and fun i've had in how long?

the bus driver on the return trip was an older canadian man named Brian with a beautiful sculpted face, graceful grey-white hair and completely perfect posture. he is going to take a vacation to the mayan ruins in mexico soon. these men spend countless hours on the road, at the wheel. days through the cityscapes and countrysides of the continent, lonely nights staring at miles and miles of headlight gleaming off of asphalt. what does he think about, for all these hours of silence? where does his mind go?

got back to seattle shortly after midnight, home after 1am. more scant sleep to be back at 6:30 again for another day of bussing and cancelled boats... i worked 48 hours total those three days, the 31st, 1st, and 2nd. they let me have yesterday off. bless Bruce's soul.

i did then have a day of relaxation yesterday; gently assisting Jess & Kobi as they scrambled to get ready for their own adventure to the Dominican Republic, they left last night. just me and the cat. i take off tomorrow, back down to CALIFORNIA. for all that i seem to complain about that state, in southerm california it is clear skies and highs in the 80s. i am so ready for that, right now. i'll be staying with my grandfather in garden grove, the one and only residence that i have known my entire life. he's very close to the ocean. i'm sure he'd let me borrow his town car out to the beach one day. i'll get a beer and lie on the sand, chilling the fuck out.

the sun is rising, backwards, from my own horizon. it is dawn, and soon i'll see the light of day once more.
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(no subject) [Jan. 1st, 2006|01:29 am]
equibe
[mood |drunkdrunk]

shhh. so here i come, stumbling in the door at around something like 1:30am. on the first day of january 1st, 2006. welcome to the new year.

the alcohol inside my system drives me to write, to capture something of this experience before the rise of the new dawn, where i'll awake in a few hours, at 5am, for a brand new day of clipper work with all of my (most likely hung-over) coworkers.

being extremely passive for this day, and not knowing that i was going to do anything but come home from work and go to sleep like any other long 14-hour work night, i left this night up to the wind, up to a myriad of possible people and experiences, invitations and pathways.

as it was, i left work with jessica and chris, to come home to a housemate already drunken and parytying. the fury and intensity and immediate necessity of the gregorian holiday grasped me, and i was driven by this sudden urge to immerse myself in the cultural wave of surrender to the infinite unknown. a bottle was opened, "yeni raki", imported turkish liquor, courtesy of a birthday present from generous Esra. one shot, the licorice masterpiece and lightweight bodily chemistry paved the way to the night that lay before me.

shots of tequila, vodka, and some chugs of rum from a good friends mug followed in due order.

casting myself to the wind and to the chaos of the moment, i was at Jade's house with Quetzal and his housemates, talking about work with some strange small friendly dog sitting in my lap, being nice. the dog liked me, i overhear. i drank Q's rum, unsuspectingly from his mug, not knowing that it was straight up. i talk with jade with increasing slur about work, boats, the ocean.

we're off again. Quetzal and I and some new entity named Rob. Trying to find some Oracle-Gathering type new years party, somewhere? I've got ID and money, again, I'm with the current, wherever it may take me.

It took me. Now I'm in a car with Margi and Misty, driving again down to the Space Needle. The three of us are glad to be there for this special night. throngs of people gather around the cultural center of the city as the clock nears midnight. we park further away, walking a longer distance and taking bathroom breaks in a nearby wooded park. Jonathan was due to meet us at 11:30; no such luck. close to midnight we meed again with Quetzal and Rob, the fireworks shoot out of this Seattle Monument. hugs, kisses, fireworks, glory, beauty, friends and madness. some random family offers me a bottle of champagne. Quetzal and I share this within the moments afterword, and then the rest of the night hits. He crosses the street, where did everyone go? Suddenly I'm alone. I do what what's needed.

Calls are made throughout the night to loved ones, in various time zones, in various states of sobriety and inbebriosity. Jerry says "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" after 3 or 4 margaritas, Kyle and I shout out vows of brotherly love after midnight, Daniel and I speak, messages are left on many answering machines, and a very special pre-inebriation call to a new friend in a far away land.

I stumbled up the hill from the Needle alone, drunken and jolly. I decide the best thing to do would be to go shopping for necessities at QFC, hoping they would still be open. Blurry-eyed, fumbling with a cart, grasping at bananas, bread, milk, cereal, orange juice. wondering why I can't manage to end up at the store when I'm sober.

I dropped perishables into the fridge. someone from Kobi's work is passed out on the couch. I'm being too loud and dropping many items. I'm glad the milk didn't pop open and make a mess. Cereal left out for convenience, when I must be up at 5am for another day of work. it'll be a thrill. I work with a bunch of weirdoes, i'll probably have to ride my brother's tough red bike in there at 6am, and i'm still drunk.

these words are exhausted, but i've felt i've done the necessary self-expression for now.

GOODNIGHT, AND WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR! MAY SATURN AND PLUTO SPUR YOU TO NEW GROWTH!

That bottle of champagne really did me in.... how about you, QuetzaL? whenever i hear from you?
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Formal Written Declaration [Nov. 9th, 2005|12:59 pm]
equibe
after weighing this thought, I have come to another decision:

WHOOPS! I changed my mind. no birthday party this year, either! you can still come over and hang out if you'd like to, though.
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